Confused by Cleveland’s Competency, the Football Gods Resort to Chaos

The Cleveland Browns are a cursed franchise. For a team that started as professional football’s biggest powerhouse, reaching the league championship in their first 10 seasons between 1946-55 and capturing seven titles across the AAFC and NFL, the Browns have been at the sick and twisted discretion of the football gods for longer than any fanbase should be forced to withstand.

Following a 3-13 season in 1990 where the Browns allowed 462 points, which would be the most of any team in the 90s, owner Art Modell decided to nearly completely overhaul the team’s coaching staff, including signing a new head coach and defensive coordinator. Their names were Bill Belichick and Nick Saban.

Belichick and Saban are widely considered to be the greatest active NFL and college football coaches, and two of the greatest football coaches of all-time, each achieving levels of sustained dominance unparalleled in recent years. Combined, they have won 11 Super Bowls and National Championships. In four years together with the Browns, they went 31-33 with one playoff appearance in what Saban would call the worst years of his life. Saban then left to become the head coach of Michigan State, and Belichick was fired after a 5-11 season the following year, 1995.

Perhaps Modell foresaw Belichick and Saban’s future success, and realized his team was cursed, because following that 1995 season, he decided to move the team to Baltimore. The Browns became the Ravens, leaving Cleveland without a football team until 1999, when the Browns were reborn under new management.

Since the Browns’ return, they have completed 19 of the most hopeless seasons in the history of professional sports. Coming into 2018, the new Browns had won just under 29% of their games, with an all-time record just 88-216. It’s normal for an expansion team to struggle in their first few years before gradually joining the rest of the pack. The Browns have done in the opposite. In their last 10 completed seasons, the Browns are just 38-122, for a winning percentage of 23.75%. They’re getting worse.

The statistics to describe the Browns’ futility are never-ending. Through 19 seasons, they’ve made the playoffs just once (a first-round exit in 2002), finished with a winning record just twice, and won five or fewer games 14 times. In 15 of 19 campaigns, the Browns have finished last in their division. For comparison, during the same timespan, the Ravens made the playoffs 10 times, and won two Super Bowls. Neither iteration of the Browns has played in a Super Bowl.

Counting Tyrod Taylor and Baker Mayfield in 2018, the Browns have started 30 different quarterbacks since 1999. They’ve won a Week 1 matchup just once, in 2004. In 2008, they went the final six games of the season without scoring an offensive touchdown.

However, none of this compares to what the Browns accomplished in 2016 and 2017, the first two seasons under the tenure of the team’s ninth head coach, Hue Jackson. In 2016, the Browns nearly went winless, picking up their first and only victory of the season in Week 16, on Christmas Eve Saturday. An early present, indeed. In 2017, the Browns one-upped themselves, losing six one-score games, including twice in overtime, on their way to the second 0-16 season in NFL history.

Cleveland entered 2018 as losers of 17 straight, 31 of 32, and 41 of 43. Yet, expectations for this year’s team were somewhat higher than recent years, due to the combination of recent promising draft picks including 2017 and 2018’s #1 overall picks Myles Garrett and Baker Mayfield, and big free agent signings such as Carlos Hyde and Jarvis Landry. What was a young Browns defense in 2017 was surprisingly solid for a winless team, and with an added year of experience under their belts and a potentially explosive offense, the Browns became a trendy pick to go 8-8 or maybe even squeeze their way into a wild card playoff spot.

The Browns once again found themselves the subject of jokes after an opening week tie with the Steelers in comical fashion. They had already surpassed their win total from the last season and equaled their average win total from the past two years. Probably most used was that the Browns snapped a 17-game losing streak without winning.

Since, however, the Browns have managed to win two games, and currently stand at 2-2-1 heading into Week 6. Along the way, they’ve broken some more crazy streaks. With Week 3’s Thursday night win against the Jets, the post-Ravens Browns won their first nationally televised game…ever. The team’s Week 5 overtime victory against the Ravens was their first win on a Sunday since Week 14, 2015.

But more surprising than those streaks, or the fact that the Browns look competent, is how ludicrous the Browns’ five games this season have been. Every game has been decided by four points or less, and it took until Week 5 for the team leading with three minutes left to actually win the game (and even that came in overtime). Since the NFL instituted overtime in 1973, no team has tied twice in a season. In just five games, the Browns have taken three games to the last two minutes of OT.

How is this possible? I think the football gods are confused. They’ve spent the last two decades relentlessly torturing the Browns, but maybe they’ve gone too far. After the last few seasons, the Browns have become the ultimate lovable losers. With a roster full of potential, they can win games, and the world will be cheering them on. Do you continue to make the Browns suffer, or do you turn them into champions?

The football gods found a compromise. In some games, the Browns will have heroic moments. In others, they’ll get unlucky, or face unfair circumstances. But every game will be close, and every game will have chaos.

Week 1: Browns vs. Steelers: In a game where the Steelers turn the ball over six times, the Browns find themselves trailing 21-7 in the fourth quarter. Tyrod Taylor connects with Josh Gordon on a 17-yard touchdown to tie the game at 21 at the two-minute warning. Following a three-and-out, the Browns get the ball back. Facing 1st-and-10 at the Steelers’ 43 with 23 seconds left, Tyrod Taylor throws a pick. Overtime.

Following three punts, the Steelers have a drive going. A field goal wins the game. Chris Boswell gets a shot from 42 yards out. Wide left. Browns punt. Steelers get the ball. Browns get a strip sack, and return the fumble to the Steelers’ 12. Myles Garrett gets called for an illegal block on the return, sending the ball back to the 24 with 36 seconds left. A run loses a yard, and Zane Gonzales trots out for a 43-yarder. It’s blocked by T.J. Watt. Tie game.

As Bill Barnwell will point out, since the Browns returned in 1999, teams with a +5 or better turnover differential have gone 132-4-1. With that tie, the Browns account for two of those losses and the tie. NFL: 130-2. Browns: 2-2-1.

The game also features a roughing the passer call on Myles Garrett in the second quarter which leads to a Steelers touchdown on the next play. After the game, the NFL’s head of officiating will admit the refs blew the call. What a way to start the year.

Week 2: Browns @ Saints: This time, the script is flipped. Miraculously, entering the fourth quarter, the Browns have held the Saints’ offense to just three points on the road. Browns 12, Saints 3. Drew Brees proceeds to throw two touchdowns to Michael Thomas. A two-point conversion gives the Saints an 18-12 lead with 2:40 left. With 1:16 left, Tyrod Taylor hits Antonio Callaway for a 47-yard score. An extra point gives the Browns the lead. Zane Gonzales misses. It’s his second missed extra point of the day to go along with a missed field goal. Game still tied.

On the second play of the following drive, the legendary Drew Brees finds Ted Ginn for 42 yards to the Cleveland 25. The Saints throw a couple incompletions and settle for a Wil Lutz field goal, giving them a 21-18 lead, but crucially allow 21 seconds for the Browns to make something happen. They do. Two big plays give Gonzales a chance from 52 yards away. He misses his fourth kick of the day, and the Browns lose. Imagine – they were that close to a fourth overtime game.

In the aftermath of the game, Gonzales is released, and the Browns sign rookie Greg Joseph. We also learn that Gonzales was suffering from a groin injury during the game, something coach Hue Jackson was apparently unaware of.

Week 3: Browns vs. Jets: The Browns and Jets play on Thursday night because the schedule makers made a mistake. Just kidding. In reality, it’s a matchup between the top two quarterbacks taken in the 2018 draft, #1 overall pick Baker Mayfield and #3 pick Sam Darnold. The Browns weren’t intending to play Mayfield, but he gets called into action when starter Tyrod Taylor, who had been struggling, leaves with a concussion in the second quarter with the Browns down 14-0.

Mayfield runs the two-minute drill and Greg Joseph knocks in a field goal before half. Joseph adds another, and then in the final minute of the third quarter, Carlos Hyde rushes for a touchdown, and the Browns run a trick play on the two-point conversion, with Mayfield catching a pass from Jarvis Landry to tie it up at 14-14.

After a long Jets drive results in a field goal, Mayfield leads an equally long touchdown drive of nearly seven minutes, giving the Browns a 21-17 lead late, which they hold onto, following a pair of Darnold interceptions in the final two minutes. Mayfield has a great performance, and the Browns pick up their first win since 2016. The Bud Light fridges are opened. Dilly Dilly! Somehow, this is kind of an underwhelming ending by 2018 Browns standards. Mayfield is the starter from now on.

Week 4: Browns @ Raiders: The Raiders play in a baseball stadium. No, not just this week – every home game. Look, this game is pretty absurd, so I’m going to move quickly. Raiders score an early touchdown, Browns score 28 of the next 35 to lead 28-14 midway through the third quarter. The Raiders capitalize off Browns turnovers and rapidly score 20 points on four drives, only one of which has to go more than 20 yards. Raiders 34, Browns 28.

Cleveland responds with two quick touchdowns because of course they do. They could’ve scored even faster, but a Derek Carr fumble which would’ve been returned for a touchdown by Larry Ogunjobi is whistled early for forward progress, making the play non-reviewable. After the game, the league will once again admit they made a mistake. Anyways, Browns lead 42-34 with 4:20 left.

Raiders turn the ball over on downs in the red zone, and the Browns can ice the game with a first down. On 3rd-and-2, Carlos Hyde appears to do just that, but the ruling is controversially reversed. Oakland gets the ball back, scores a touchdown and gets the two-point conversion to force OT, 42-42.

Raiders kicker Matt McCrane misses a 52-yard try on the first possession of the extra period, but the Browns are forced to punt. McCrane gets another crack from 29 yards out and it’s game over, 45-42. The two teams combine for 87 points, 1,052 yards, and six turnovers. Browns rookie running back Nick Chubb finishes the game with 105 yards and two touchdowns on just three carries.

Week 5: Browns vs. Ravens: Baltimore enters this game with the NFL’s longest active streak, and a franchise-record streak, of 13 straight games with 20 or more points. Coming off of a 45-42 game, the Browns are a good bet for that streak to continue. Nah.

Somehow, despite both teams going for over 400 total yards, only one touchdown is scored in the entire game, and Greg Joseph misses the extra point. The Browns make up for this by blocking a 48-yard attempt from Justin Tucker, only the most accurate kicker in NFL history, before the half, meaning the Browns hold a 6-3 lead at the break.

Tucker gets redemption with two second-half field goals, including a 32-yard make with 52 seconds left to nod things up at nine. Joseph gets a shot from 55 to give the Browns the win in regulation, but you know how this goes by now – he misses. The Browns find themselves in overtime for the second consecutive week and a third time in five games.

After a couple punts, the Browns find themselves with 4th-and-5 at the Ravens’ 39. A conversion gives them a great chance at the win, but there’s still more than three minutes left, so the Browns turn the ball over. Luckily, they get it back in no time, and drive the field, giving Joseph a redemption try from 37-yards for the game as time expires. It’s one of the ugliest game-winners you’ll ever see, but the kick is good. The Browns avoid a tie and take it, 12-9.

Absolute madness. That’s the only way I can describe the Browns’ start to 2018. With all this franchise has been through, they’ll take 2-2-1, but with better kicking and better luck with the referees, this is a team that could be 5-0 right now. Of course, that could never have happened – this team is still cursed, after all.

In what could be the best division in football, it’s tough to forecast what the rest of the season has in store for the Browns, but if the first five weeks is any indication, we’d all better be ready for more twists and turns than would normally seem possible.